I find it’s hard to answer these questions,

「お国はどちらですか？」
「出身はどこですか？」

Which one should I choose? The place I was born, the place I had lived for most years of my life, the place of my current residence on the record, the place my parents are from and the place my parents currently living – are all different. Therefore I don’t know which one to choose.

—

I don’t know where I am from.

Neither do I know where I am going.

Sometimes people would ask me where I plan to stay after graduating from college. “Going back to China?” They would ask.

“No,” I’d reply, “I’m definitely not going back to China.”

I have lived in China for more than ten years – more than half of my entire life, and want no more of.

Then I left for the States.

Programming is logical, abstract, cool. I chose it because I love languages, and thought since I can learn natural languages, then it won’t be too hard for me to learn artificial ones. I am ready to study seriously again – programming, technology, and everything related. At the age of 18, coming to my senses as a human being at last, I am not done with learning. I know I am no longer ashamed of my ignorance, nor afraid of liking things.

Perhaps I should be impressed by the fact that I haven’t attached myself to things, that I am loose and free enough to walk away from anything at anytime. But what am I free for? I want to have my life for the unexpected.

Anyhow, I still take it for granted that not settling down is a necessary rebellion.